party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
