Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
there's paper in my vomit.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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