sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
