Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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