Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
