smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The air was thick with penises
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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