do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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