I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
