if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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