new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
