drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
