one might say we're banned from that church
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
