Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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