I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you made out with another girl for some wings
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
