You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
