can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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