just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
