his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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