Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
