it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
