So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
