theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize