OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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