so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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