Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
