If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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