my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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