Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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