Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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