It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
