I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
