yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
