I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
