Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize