Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
