dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
