Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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