remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm both gender and math confused
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
