dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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