Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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