Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
