My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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