I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
