Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
