I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize