You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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