is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
