btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
