I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
