I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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