hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
