Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
