At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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