Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
