eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
