I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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