You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
