So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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