my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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