Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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