I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
