Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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