first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
