My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
