His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
