guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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