Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
