i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
