I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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