Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize