she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize