You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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