Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
