Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
