Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
