i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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