somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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