just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
