8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize