HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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