I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She bit a glass in half.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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