Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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