So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
