totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
