I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am one with the molecules
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
