Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
