life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
