In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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