How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
