since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
