If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
