On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
