its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
