so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
