1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
