I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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