The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
