I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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