Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Randomize