dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
